I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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