i permit you to call me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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