You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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