you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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