so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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