After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
