WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
