Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
