I hope mine doesn't look like that
babies were throwing up all over the place
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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