Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
