To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your penis caused this!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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