i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
