If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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