Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
