ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
