just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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