I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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