how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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