Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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