Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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