Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
