Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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