I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
