my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
