You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
