You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
