We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
