wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
