this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
