dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
