the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
