The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
