You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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