Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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