mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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