our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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