you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
