My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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