I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
