i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
