Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
