problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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