some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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