I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
