Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
