Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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