I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
