Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
barbara walters just said penis...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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