I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
