What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
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