my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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