absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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