the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
