wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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