There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
