fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
