I smell stomach acid.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
