I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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