I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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