If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
