does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
