I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
