i jhust puked up my retainher.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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