My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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