I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
