This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
