Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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