Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
