she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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