Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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