You're my little dorito
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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