I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
