what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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