how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
