Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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