My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
