Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
